Today's Memo To Codependency

To: Codependency
Copy: Alcoholism
Subject: New Rules

Today, just today, I will not blindly accept your active participation in my life. Today, just today, I will focus on my recovery, rather than the recovery of the Alcoholic who I love so much. Her recovery is just that, her recovery. She knows that I am always here to help her if she wants it. All she has to do is ask.

I know you always will be here. I know I will continuously relapse into co-dependent behaviors. That is because you are just as sneaky as and sometimes harder to detect than Alcoholism. You constantly, quietly, gently creep into my mind, my heart and my soul – taking over my words and actions, before I have even noticed your presence. If only you came in a clearly-labeled bottle, with a distinct scent!

An important part of my recovery is learning to love myself. (There, I admitted it: I do not love myself! My Alcoholic wife and I - we are a perfect match!) I feel better about myself when I am taking care of my body and striving toward a personal goal. So I have registered for the 2008 New York City Marathon. If my name is drawn in the registration lottery in June, I will run the marathon in November. If not, I will run 26 miles somewhere else on marathon day. I will be fit again. I will be proud of myself for doing this.

Today I will buy a marathon training guide to get me started on this journey of personal discovery.

Also today, just today, I will not blame you for all of my problems. You are not the cause of everything that is wrong in my life, including the damage that has been done to my marriage over the years, including the dysfunction that resides within my family, including the fact that today I was told by my 6-year-old’s teacher that he has been fighting with another boy in the lunchroom. There are many causes of that damage outside of you. I have caused much of that damage all by myself.

Today I will post this letter on my blog, keep it in my pocket, and read it a few times. I aim to keep in touch with you (and me) this way often.

Sincerely,

[Me]